


Holding Hands

by friar



Category: Tales of Legendia
Genre: M/M, Post-Game, Secret Santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 06:17:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17259107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friar/pseuds/friar
Summary: It had felt like the joining of two half-filled vessels, finally complete within each other.





	Holding Hands

**Author's Note:**

> Tales of Secret Santa 2018 for rettozetto  
> Hope you like!

The Legacy was a world within itself, marvelous and mysterious and always presenting something new to bedazzle one who paid close enough attention. And Jay paid very close attention. He’d seen all sorts of wonders in his life (hell, he had befriended many of them along the way) and he still, for all the wonder, felt himself a half-empty vessel, poised to experience a continued miracle. Given the chance, freed now of his dark past, he would pursue this.

 

But still, the strangest thing had happened, and he felt so perplexed just at the thought of it that he had to sometimes catch his breath.

 

Days ago, he’d stood on the blushing cliff of the Altar of the Sea and had said goodbye to the one person in the entire world who brought him a feeling of peace. Though they’d begged her not to go, she went. And even though Senel had brought a smile to all of their faces in the aftermath of her ascension, Jay couldn’t bring himself to make his genuine.

 

They’d watched the sun set. The cast-off sunlight made the already reddish rock glow like embers. He’d thought, this is ok. This is going to be ok.

 

Then on the walk back to Werites Beacon a sudden chill struck him and tears started prickling his eyes. Trying to fight them back, trying to match the cheerful mood of his family - none of it seemed possible. Unable to fight, he’d slowed his pace and dropped to the back of the group.

 

Everyone noticed, but Moses was the one who slowed up to walk beside him. Jay kept his eyes fixed ahead on a distant star, hovering in the newly minted darkness of the night sky. But he could feel Moses walk beside him, the weight of another human being at his side drawing his emotional state into a calmer orbit. They didn’t speak, because there weren’t any words that could make Grune come back. But there, that night, Moses had reached out and taken his hand.

 

Jay hadn’t flinched. He didn’t recoil or give some snarky comment. It just felt natural, as comforting a gesture as a mother’s embrace. After all, he’d cried into Moses’s shoulder up there, at the place of parting. And truth be told, he didn’t fully realize Moses was holding his hand until they’d gotten back to town, and Moses let go. It was as if a grounding weight had been taken from him, and in the empty void he found himself floundering.

 

Everyone else stood around, just talking. But as soon as Jay could excuse himself, he went back home and lay face-down on his bed, letting the tears break free.

 

\---

 

He wanted to remember the way Moses’s hand had felt. Bigger than his, a bit too rough, warm and alive. Against his own hand, there were only a few points of contrast. Yes, his hand was smaller, and yes his didn’t possess the same strength, but their calloused fingers were a perfect match.

 

It had felt right. It had felt like the joining of two half-filled vessels, finally complete within each other.

 

But now that perfection was gone, and he didn’t know how to get it back.

 

The first order of business would be too avoid Moses. This was the only path forward that didn’t include rejection or humiliation or shame… Yes, to run. Funnily enough, he’d thought he was done with running his life away. But when he next went to deliver information to Will, he was constantly on edge, looking over his shoulder. As soon as the bandit appeared he’d have to bolt. Nothing else to it! Because perhaps Moses had forgotten his touch, or perhaps he didn’t think anything earth-shattering about it, like Jay did.

 

But there was the possibility that Moses was embarrassed for showing such vulnerability. Or that he blamed Jay for needing such gestures - that was far worse. He tried to do a quick analysis, based on what he knew of Moses’s quirky, boisterous personality. What were the odds, percentage-wise, that Moses hated him now?

 

But his data was biased, because in the deepest part of his heart he really felt this was the truth.

 

First thought - how dare he blame Jay, after he was the one who reached out? Second thought - oh, it was his fault after all, for crying. Third thought - it wasn’t worth thinking about, because Moses wouldn’t remember the whole issue anyways!

 

\---

 

Still, he was looking over his shoulder, four weeks after Grune left.

 

He hadn’t come to Werites Beacon on any business. Instead, Pippo had been giving him these disappointed looks, and by now he couldn’t stand it any longer. He would go see his friends. He’d… see Moses. Then he’d go back to the Oresoren village and hide awhile longer. He tucked his hands into his pockets and started through the city gates. First he'd go see Senel. Possibly the person who required the least energy to chat with. It was easy enough to sneak through the streets without notice (part of his past training that was useful even to this day). He tried to keep his head down as he slunk around the backs of houses and side streets, running into no one and glad for the fact. And then he was at Senel's door.

He knocked twice and wasn't surprised in the slightest to hear Shirley's voice answer. "Oh, come in!"

Without hesitation he slipped through the door. He was greeted by the wafting aroma of fresh baked bread. Shirley was standing at the oven, oversized blue mitts over her hands. She waved one of them in his direction. "There you are! I mean, I was hoping you'd come by here..."

He raised an eyebrow. "How exactly did you know I was coming?"

 

Clasping her mitted hands behind her back, Shirley swayed and let her eyes wander away from him. "I, um... Well, actually, Pippo sent a message that you'd be coming by." Before Jay could sigh, she added: "Actually, he sent Moses."

 

Moses! Jay could feel his cheeks darken and knew that on his pale face, it would be impossible to hide. "Why in... why in the world did he send MOSES?"

 

There was an awkward pause in which the kitchen timer started going off. Shirley turned to pull a sheet of scones out of the oven. After she'd set them out to cool, she gestured to Jay. "I thought maybe you'd like to sit and have a tea? You're probably very busy, but..."

 

Jay drew a quick scenario out in his head. Simply put, Pippo had set him up. It was a trap. To send him off to see Senel, and to have given Shirley advance warning to prepare a tea... worse of all to get Moses caught up in it all somehow... Just what was Pippo planning? How many of the Oresoren were in on it, too? He pinched the bridge of his nose and moaned a little. If you can't beat them, the only logical option is to join them. "I guess I'm not too busy."

 

"Wonderful! I was worried I'd made all this just to go to waste..." She pulled out a chair and he took the one opposite. The scent of the hot scones was enough to make his stomach grumble - when was the last time he'd eaten? Maybe he'd been too distracted lately after all...

 

He reached out to take a scone, but Shirley softly tut-tutted. "Let's wait until everyone else gets here."

 

A cold freeze came over Jay's heart. "What do you mean, everyone? Who else did you invite over?"

 

The smile on her face was sunny but the mischievous twinkle in her eye bordered on sadistic. "Well... everyone."

 

Time to run. He started to push his chair out when the door slammed open. "Guess who's ready to paaarty!" He clenched his hands together as Norma flounced over to the table. A new bow was in her hair, and she leaned over to him and gave him that insufferable sneaky look. "Fancy seeing you here."

 

Before he could think of a good biting remark, more feet shuffled in. Will clapped a hand on his shoulder. "There you are."

 

"It's about time you came to visit." Senel settled down across from him, with Chloe following suit in the next chair over. "Seems like weeks since we saw you."

 

Almost. Jay cleared his throat. "I've been busy, is all."

 

"Too busy for your best friends?" Moses plopped into the chair next to him and a shiver went up Jay's spine. "Hell, we were startin' to think you didn't like us anymore."

 

"That isn't it!" Turning his face to hide the red, he mumbled "You idiot..."

 

Everyone was silent. "Uh, well!" Shirley clapped her hands together. "We're all here! Who wants tea?"

 

"Ah, yes please..." Will sat on his other side and held forward his cup. Everyone else followed suit.

 

Moses flashed a broad grin. "Don't mind if I do! Now, where's those sugar cubes..."

 

Jay observed from the corner of his eye. Had Moses always been so toned? Maybe he’d been working out. Had his nose always had that nice angular slant to it? If so, Jay had certainly never noticed before. His hair was combed down a bit, he was wearing a pressed shirt, and... he smelled nice. Like the tall cedar trees in the Forest.

Before long he felt his head muddle with the scent and the low chatter and the taste of butter-filled baked goods. He wanted to close his eyes, here in this comfortable place, safe and surrounded by family. It was such a change from how he’d felt the past few weeks and when he noticed this it was more than a bit jarring. Perhaps this was what he’d been missing, and the absence of his friends put him so on edge, only helping to make him stress out more and more…

“You ok there?”

Jay chose to not look at Moses. He focused on the food left on his plate and tried to maintain the floating feeling of peace.

Moses only leaned closer, his voice a low enough murmur to keep the conversation between the two of them. “You know, we’ve all been real worried about you… I have been. I’ve been worried.” When Jay didn’t answer, he sighed and gestured towards the front door. “Come on. Let’s sit outside for a bit.” 

Without word they excused themselves and headed out to the front yard. Moses led him to a bench under a small oak and they sat under the half-light half-shade of its canopy. It was a while before either of them spoke, but Jay could practically feel himself buzzing with nerves.

Finally Moses leaned back against the tree and uncrossed his arms. “I’m not mad at you… just so you’re aware and all.”

He wasn’t? “You’re not?” Then he bit back his words and lowered his head. “Good. You’d have absolutely no reason to be angry.” Which was true, he realized now. Saying it outloud seemed to dissolve the fear inside of him: it was true. Moses was not angry with him.

“Oh, I don’t know about that… if I wanted to be mad I’d be mad as heck.” Moses fixed him with a sidelong glare. “After all, you disappear and leave us all worried, right after Grune left, and we’re left wonderin’ what exactly happened that got you so spooked that you’d leave us…”

Jay felt his temper rising and tried to dampen it. “I needed some time. Surely that’s acceptable?”

“Yeah, yeah…” Moses seemed to think on this, and Jay gave him the time to. “Gotta admit, though. Thought it had something to do with me. Thought maybe I’d done something wrong.”

“That’s stupid,” said Jay, but his heart hammered at how close to the mark Moses had gotten.

“I don’t know…” Moses scratched his chin. “Seems to me that I shouldn’t have taken your hand.”

At this Jay spluttered and began to cough, until Moses had to hit him twice on the back to help him regain composure. It was hard, with Moses staring wide-eyed at him. He took a gasp of air. “There was - absolutely nothing wrong - with you taking my hand!”

For once Moses seemed to be genuinely flustered. He rubbed the back of his neck and stared up at the dappled light on the leaves. “Good. Cuz I… I’d finally gotten up the nerve and everything! Took me long enough. Then I thought you hated me.” He laughed, a nervous and awkward sound.

Jay was beyond blushing at this point. His heart rate was fast enough that he couldn’t keep up. Worse of all, his hands were sweaty. But Moses’ hand was on the bench between them, and if he let this opportunity pass to resolve this messed up situation… how long could he go on like this?

He braced himself. Then he reached down and put his hand over Moses’ hand.

There was an awkward pause in which they both froze up. Jay glared off down the roadway. Moses gave a weak laugh. 

“It’s love! True love!” Norma practically fell out the window as Chloe and Shirley pushed their heads past her to look. Moses was on his feet in an instant and stomping off towards the girls, waving his fists in the air.

“Could ya’ll just give us a few measly minutes of privacy without all this nonsense?!”

Jay laughed as Norma did fall out the window. She squealed as Moses began to chase her around the back of the house. It was only a matter of minutes before the rest would come rushing out to see what the commotion was - but their real motives would be to assess the situation, to see how Moses and Jay had patched things up. Busy bodies! But really, he wouldn’t have them any other way, and it warmed his heart to think that they had been rooting for him all along.

For a moment he realized he was smiling, a real and genuine smile. He thought of standing up on the altar again, of the smile he couldn’t make happen, not even for Grune’s last wish. He closed his eyes and smiled, and hoped that wherever she was she could see him, and that it would bring her peace to know how happy he was that very moment.


End file.
